Pushing my fiance away with my insecurities?

I can't begin to imagine how hard this would be for you. I believe eveything happens for a reason and even though you have been through hard times it was your plan. You have to look after yourself. Each and every day remind yourself that life is worth living, it is hard, but if you 'have a crack' - meaning have a really good go, at making things better then that is what you will get. You only get what you put in, if you study for a test you do well. If you have the courage to make decisions and go by your gut instinct then things generally work out. You have to pick up your spirit, by yourself and get yourself going again. Don't stop trying. Sometimes you have to let things go to move forward. This may sound corny but you have the power within you to change what is happening in your life, you can't change some things medically speaking, but you can change your attitude and how you manage/deal with it. Be strong, you have to be.